No turning back

[Frederick]

Sharon West dug her trembling hands deep into her overcoat pocket and pulled out her last cigarette. Was it the cold February drizzle, the biting wind, or was it, perhaps straight nerves? She drew heavily on the cigarette, and started coughing about ten seconds later. Things had been going downhill for the past three years, culminating in the breakdown of her relationship with Gary, but never in her wildest imagination could she picture herself standing here on the edge of a windswept cliff, just west of Beachy Head. She surveyed the famous lighthouse, some four hundred yards to her left. Wherever, it would have to be a straight drop. It seemed so different in Summer, with carefree families having picnics on the grass and youngsters flying their kites. She'd rehearsed the scene many times in her mind but even now, as she looked out over the English Channel, her stomach tied itself in knots. At First it hadn't seemed to bad. Surely it wouldn't have been too difficult to get another job, and after all, all she had to do was to keep up the minimum payments? And what the heck - Christmas was a time for giving! It was so perilously easy to let things get out of control. That's when the letters started - not too bad at first, but then they started getting nasty - really nasty, threatening letters, talking about County Court Judgements and the like. She turned for help, but nobody wanted to know. Citizen's Advise? What a joke! Wisdom on hindsight, rubbing salt into an open wound. Towards the end, she was both laughing and crying at the same time as she totalled everything up. For £13,208.74 she'd have been able to buy a very nice car. Well there was no car, no Caribbean crruise -nothing. Just paying the minimum rate, which even then she couldn't do, would take her, by her reconing, well into retirement, assuming, that was, that the'd actually manage to get a job. She'd organised everything, checking the contents of that all important brown envelope time and time again before sealing it with brown adhesive tape. It could be years, if ever, before it was found. She smiled briefly, thinking of the scores of ways she could achieve the same objectives with far less dramatic effect, but it seemed appropriate, seeing as this was where she and Gary had met. She looked down at the grey, angry sea, furiously pounding the chalk cliffs below, waiting impatiently to claim anything or anybody that came it's way. Staring down, she ventured closer: one, two, three steps. She was right on the edge - now was the point of no return. Hands trembling, a sudden gust of wind tore the envelope from her hands. Instinctively she craned her neck forward as it blew erratically down, dow, down, never to be seen again. Suddenly she began to feel faint. Her head began to swim. Any second now, and she'd follow. She screamed out. Instantly strong, powerful arms pulled her back to a safe distance. Trembling uncontrollably, she clung to Kevin, the one person who'd stopped her from ending it all a dozen times before. A reformed alcoholic with coarse, heavy hands and a craggy weatherbeaten face, he was certainly no Adonis, but they found strength in one another, after meeting in the clinic. He kissed her gently on the top of her head, wiping a tear from her face.
"You were a brave girl. You had to do it. Promise me one more time before we make a new life for ourselves."
She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face.
"I promise, oh God how I promise! It's over - never again. No more ****s, credit cards, store cards, anything. They were all in the envelope, every one."
"No regrets?" She shook her head. He smiled and nodded.
"We'll be in debt for years, but together we'll beat this - no turning back."